17 April 2007 - 7:04 pm

So, in this new state of I don't need to worry about Mr. Electricity being depressed, because apparantly he isn't really, just used that as a cover to conceal his starting to see someone else (and hey, let's not even discuss the fact that if I am his best friend, and merely that and nothing more, why would he go to so much effort to conceal that? If he does get involved with someone, and could actually just be a friend for/to me, I actually would be perfectly happy with that. As he should be happy for me, if I get involved with someone who makes me happy. But we know better, don't we, considering he never follows through on setting me up with anyone, and says he would only be fine with it if he approved of the person I was dating, blah, blah, blah... yeah, that's merely a friend thing, not former lover who still has feelings for the other. Nope, not at all.), I have been giving much thought to happiness.

And happiness as a business, strangely enough.

Like a product line, called "=Happiness."

It started as a thought, because I saw this bag at American Eagle while Yvonne was trying on clothes. The canvas tote was adorned with the words "Live Your Life." I mis-read it, or thought that wasn't strong enough, I decided I'd prefer a bag that says "Love Your Life." Because I have been giving a lot of thought lately to what would my life look like if I loved my life.

Oh wait, back up, there was a blog entry I haven't typed up yet that had some of these themes running through it, where I was observing that guys are attracted to happy, smiling girls. And where does that leave those of us who are presently unhappy with our lives, and not smiling? So, given this observation, I have been trying to figure out what would it take to make me so deliriously happy that I am smiling and singing all day long with joy?

I would be able to do it if I loved my life.

And what would it take to love my life?

That seems like a formula for happiness, something anyone could apply. So what's the formula?

So when Yvonne and I were shopping at Target the other day, again, she was needing some clothes, and a new purse, I mentioned I was looking for a plain canvas tote, because I wanted to write something on it, to remind me of what I need to be doing. What was that? she asked. I want it to say "Love Your Life." But I don't look at my bag, I just hold it, she mentioned. I said I would be reminded of it everytime I looked at the bag, went to go pick it up, whenever. An external reminder. She liked the sentiment though.

So today I was sketching what that tote would look like, on a half blank sheet of paper.

And it seemed like it needed something more. So I flipped the sheet over to the other blank half, and sketched in Love Your Body and Love Your Self. And when I went to lunch, I thought about it some more, and changed some words and added some new ones, and started thinking about that line of T-shirts I want to make, with random phrases on them, and now I started thinking about the product line of T-shirts and bags that would go with these sentiments of affirmations and stating the obvious, and calling it "=Happiness," and, and, and.... I got happy thinking about it. I may even have smiled a little bit, while out walking back from getting lunch. A small, healthful salad, because I am trying to practice the whole body is a temple thing by loving my body, nurturing it.

And I thought about putting into my apartment only things that make me happy, like instruments to play and art to make, and all sorts of fun, joyous activities I would be wanting to rush home from work to enjoy doing, just like I have been dying to open up the curtains and let all that glorious sunshine in every day, but Yvonne likes it dark, and private, so they stay shut. Or if I do open them, they are always closed when I get home.

Yvonne was talking about the both of us being grown women and not pampering ourselves, that we should have a day of clothes shopping to look forward to every week, and really create our ideal wardrobes. And I mentioned that it used to be that on Friday nights I would take a bath by candlelight and just relax, and I miss doing that.

Happiness. I think the key is to love your life, don't you think? And yes, you can choose to love the life you have right now, in addition to being able to create the life you would love to have. I know that. But it would really help make it easier to love it if there was more to my present life that I really loved. So I need to work on that.

Time to walk home, the beginning of that after a month hiatus. Begin training again for that triathalon in September, and to get that body I love.

Bye. Wish me love and happiness!