15 December 2007 - 10:12 pm

Apparently I have been depressed.

I'm sure you would never guess it, what with my lack of writing posts these days.

It wasn't until I got a bug up my butt this last week, and started going through some more of the still unpacked boxes in my place, that I noticed how energizing that activity was. And I woke up actually feeling like I had gotten enough sleep in the morning. That felt so good I decided to do it again the next night when I got home, rather than just automatically turn on the TV. I still watched some TV, but after I had done something, or while doing something. There are now two empty boxes in my car to recycle, and even more room to walk around. I even found my phone, so I could hook it up and people could actually reach me at home rather than on my cell. But anyone I want to hear from already knows my cell, so I doubt there will be many calls coming in that aren't sales calls. Actually, I think I will give it out as my pick up number phone. My cell I intend to have that number forever, but the home phone? I don't intend to live in this studio apartment forever, believe it or not. So sure, that could be number the random stranger gets that.

I also found my stereo and more phone cord, so I don't have to duck under the line everytime I walk through the kitchen. That alone was an enormous relief, I found physically. My body didn't tense up approaching that section of the apartment.

Huh, imagine that.

I found and re-arranged all my CDs, the ones I like to listen to out, the ones I have collected and still don't know whether I like them, hidden along with all the VHS tapes and screener movies I have. But there is no room for anymore, not until I build my wall of bookcase space. No more CDs for me until then, there just isn't room for them!

I even watered the dying plants, and at least one of them looks happier today.

I also washed my face before going to bed, for the first time in ages. (I usually wash it in the shower every morning instead.) And my skin felt smoother and less problematic the following morning. Wow, this taking care of things seems to really be a good idea.

Since I won't be going to Montana to visit my parents this Christmas, in a fit of organizing my thoughts, I wrote up a list of things I want to get done over my holiday break, and actually accomplished one today as a result. One less task to distract me with when I am actually on vacation. Maybe I can get most of them done this coming week so I can actually enjoy my free time the following week? Huh, what a thought.

In my lazy period of the last few months, my completely in overwhelm depression, I have been keeping an eye out for how I want to do my apartment to properly reflect me. My subscriptions to Dwell and Architectural Digest magazines I am finding are great helps with that. I have found a picture of the idea of my bedroom area, and how I want my bookcase wall to now look, and the sort of look/cabinetry I think I would like for the kitchen. I suspect the kitchen will actually be the last item completed, so that one can remain fuzzy still. It can still have a high budget as a result, since nothing is actually happening in that department.

I even started asking questions about getting financed from various lending institutions this last week, to start that process, because I will need to know my options when that re-financing needs to take place.

Lots of plans, actions, but no actual results yet. But moving forward.

I am actually excited about having the Christmas break, about getting some projects completed or off the ground. I have begun my task of returning that which is not mine to their owners by the end of the year, a ritual I find helpful. Perhaps that was the real motivator for completing my cleaning and unpacking. I need to find the stuff that needs to be returned.

I created a box that contains the things that I did this year, and hope to condense future years in just as small of a box. I envision stacks of them, with the year written on the side. What did I do back in 2010? Let's go see what the box contains!

And I dug out clothes from the back of my closet to have a selection to choose from for our Holiday party, which in admitting I was depressed, I gave up even bothering to find a date.